From the Memoir: Malala's First Visit to Pakistan After the Attack
An excerpt from Finding My Way by Malala Yousafzai.
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my dad we needed to go to Pakistan. My college friends could visit the country on their holidays; I believed I should have that right too. I was growing restless; it felt like if it didn’t happen now, it never would.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own,” I replied, daring him.
“I will book my own flight, leave this house in a cab, and call Moniba when I land to pick me up.” Deep down, I knew I wasn’t that brave, but maybe my dad didn’t realize this — and that could give me some leverage.
Every time, the same answer returned: “It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.” My dad had heard it so often I feared he was losing hope.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment!” I said, trying to pass on my frustration. “I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport. And they have no grounds to stop me.”
I sounded angry, but inside my heart was breaking. In just a few weeks, I had encountered more reminders of home — food, music, sports, language — than in the past five years. That awakening was painful, like blood rushing back into numb limbs.
I was done stalking old friends on Facebook, done walking the streets via Google Maps. I couldn’t keep dreaming of home at night and waking up confused each morning.
Author’s summary: Malala’s deep longing for Pakistan clashed with political barriers, reflecting her poignant struggle to reconnect with her homeland after years away.